


Alone / With You

by sxldato



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Has Issues, M/M, Polyamory, Soulmates, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxldato/pseuds/sxldato
Summary: Sam and Dean have the same name written on their wrist.





	Alone / With You

**Author's Note:**

> written for the Soulmate AU bingo square

Dean didn’t like sharing. Having so little to his name meant he was protective over what he did have. That included Sam– that especially meant Sam. 

So he spent a lot of time worrying over the fact he and Sam had the same name printed on their wrists, but he never once thought about the possible detriment of having to share a soulmate with his brother. No, his only concern was that he would have to share Sam with someone else. And this person– Castiel–whoever they were, could not possibly love Sam as much as he did. 

But then Cas waltzed into their lives and Dean had to face facts: Cas wasn’t half bad, not bad at all. 

He was so goddamn soft. Dean didn’t know how Cas could be like that after all the shit he’d been through. After millions of years, you’d think a guy would turn cold. Dean hadn’t been around for even a ten thousandth of that, and he was worn down. But Cas’s tenderness was what made them fit, at least that’s how it seemed. He could stand to learn a few things from Castiel. 

He watched them with detached fascination sometimes, Sam and Cas. Their shoulder-to-shoulder intimacy, their milky morning tea, their shared space underneath blankets on the couch. It was sweet. But it left a bitter taste in Dean’s mouth sometimes. 

He had his own moments with Cas too, and they all spent time together, so it wasn’t like he was being left out. But Dean couldn’t shake the feeling they would be happier without him in the mix. 

Being in a relationship like this had made him realize just how fragile he could be.

What bothered him more than the issue of sharing Sam was this newer feeling, one he hadn’t been prepared for– he was up to his nose in love and it choked him. He’d never felt this way towards someone who wasn’t Sam, and it was scary to include someone else in their little world. Dean feared there wasn’t enough room, and that someday he would be pushed out. 

Cas didn’t have obligations like Sam did. Sam would always be there, he knew that, because they were brothers and they valued family and Sam wouldn’t up and leave him, no way. But if he became too much, Cas could drop him, soulmate or not. Just because they were soulmates didn’t mean things would automatically work out, and Dean was terrified because, like an idiot, he had gone and fallen for the guy. 

He didn’t talk to Sam about it; if Sam had his own anxieties then he didn’t want to add on, and if Sam was content then he didn’t want to ruin that. He hadn’t planned on bringing it up with Cas either, but that was the unfortunate thing about soulmates– they knew you, and they knew you deeply. 

“Are you alright?” Cas asked him one day. They were all piled in Sam’s bed watching TV, and Sam had gotten up to use the bathroom. 

“Yeah, why?”

“I’m worried…” Cas thought for a moment, obviously trying to frame his words as sensitively as possible. “That you aren’t happy with our situation.” 

“You mean the three of us?” Dean filled in. “It’s great, Cas. I’m fine. Really.” 

Cas squinted at him in that cute way he did when he knew Dean was bullshitting him. Dean’s heart felt like putty. 

“You’re one of my partners,” Cas said. “Don’t lie to me.” 

Dean forced his eyes to meet Cas’s, that true blue that dug far into Dean’s chest and sank into its tender spots. He hated that– the vulnerability of it all. He thought he was stronger than this. 

It was possible, Dean relented, that letting himself feel the things he felt was a truer kind of strength than whatever he was doing now; maybe taking the risk was bravery, and not foolishness. It just didn’t feel that way. 

“It’s a me-thing,” Dean said. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“It’s my job to worry about it,” Cas protested. 

Dean considered answering, thinking through the fallout that might occur if he did. For a moment, he thought maybe it would be okay if he shared. 

But then Sam came back in, looking so serene and happy, and Dean couldn’t do it. Things were finally working out, for the most part, and Dean would be damned if he broke that. Sam deserved this. Cas deserved this. And them being happy made him pretty happy, too, he supposed. 

“Another time,” Dean murmured, and pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek as Sam settled on Cas’s other side. 

Yeah, Dean decided. Another time.


End file.
